Relationships mean a lot to me. I did not grow up with a traditional family. It was important to me that my friends became my family. Through experiences I’ve learned that my vulnerability would have to be protected. I do understand the difference between friends and associates. I’m not talking about associate water cooler 9-5 surface level work friends. I’m talking about how my broken childhood produced a longing for sister friends. I’m talking about color purple “me and you us never part friends”. Friends to me are people that you cry with, people that you laugh with, people who lift you up, people that tell you the truth, and most importantly people that love and accept you for you. In this stressful world we are often drained by the expectation to conform to what makes others comfortable. We comply with the pressure to look stronger than we feel. Sometimes others believe that if women have acquired any level of success then we don’t need nurturing, understanding, or love. Just because you are strong doesn’t mean you don’t need or desire love. Strong women are not to be mishandled as people who can endure anything anybody throws at them. Yes, strong women are resilient but they still need a hand to lift them up, a shoulder to cry on and a pat on the back to let them know that they’re going to be OK. Do you have friends who celebrate your wins in your circle? Do you have friends who don’t exploit your mistakes in your circle? Inspect your personal network. Access your circle. After a long day at work when you finally kick off your heels (or flats) what are you entertaining? Do you have to do a power point presentation in order to get this person to understand you or do you finally get to just relax and be yourself? What is the lie? The lie is that you don’t have any power or control over people who stay in your life or the role they play. Where and how you spend your time is a reflection of who you are, what you value and what you believe about your worth. You have control over who let in your life and how long they stay there. How do you ever expect to get ahead professionally if you spend your time convincing people in your personal life that you are worthy of their love, time, approval and understanding?
If you find that working on your “friendships” is like clocking in on your job, you might need to start revoking some people’s all access backstage passes. The investment is not worth the return. At least you get paid to go to work! According to the Huffpost article: Relationship ROI: What Are Your Friendships Really Costing You? by Cy Wakeman, “Too many of us spend a colossal amount of energy trying to win over others who are resistant. They aren’t open to change, new ideas, the lessons at hand, or participating in a healthy way.” #deathofalie #thedeathofalie